Thursday, 21 February 2013

Ambridge does the movies

Following the mixed but very vocal reaction to The Archers does Brief Encounter we have a sneak preview of the next films in the scriptwriters sights.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
After another trip to South Africa, Phoebe returns with a new beau in tow. But the beau - John, a doctor - is coming to work in Birmingham where he takes up residence. Phoebe tells her parents about him and a dinner party is set for a weekend when Doctor John's parents are visiting. What Phoebe omits to tell Roy of the Racists and Mother Hayley is that Dr John is in fact African and darker skinned than Racist Roy might have hoped. Uncomfortable scenes follow, complicated by the fact that Amy is supplementing her NHS income by housekeeping for the Tuckers. Thankfully Roy of the Racists comes round, greatly helped by the calming presence of Father Alan. Oscars all round.

My Fair Lady
The Professor (Jim) has a bet with The Kernel (Christine - this is her nickname in the crossword community because of her computer like brain) that he can pass Jazzer off at the Lower Loxley Ball as a country gent of the highest breeding. Or a breeding country gent. Or something like that.

East of Eden
Feuding brothers William and Ed fight for the affections of the same girl and the respect of their father, who has told them their mother is dead. Their greatest distress is caused when they discover that far from being dead, their mother is holed up in the Ladies at The Bull.

Claudia Winkleman will be hosting a special evening in The Bull upstairs next month when other treatments will be discussed.

Monday, 18 February 2013

Ambridge's silent fall silent

With the loss of Bob, Bunty and Wolfgang (what a great combo they were in the '60s), the BBC's cost-cutting purge of the silent characters in The Archers has gained momentum. Here's a sneak preview of some of the story lines from the next few weeks:

Health and Safety scare rocks Tom (or as The Echo [Echo] reported it: "Rock on Tommy"
Maurice has a nasty accident with Tom's sausage paraphernalia. As he fell into the mixer and was churned into sausage meat, his last words were: ". ........ , ......... !".

Freda Fry's Freak Frying Fright
Peace at The Bull is shattered when Freda has a freak accident with Jolene's deep fried baps.

"My world fell silent on that silent night,
When my silent Freda had such a fright"

said Bert Fry as he dismounted his Massey.

Instability at The Stables
Alice's mount has gone missing overnight without a trace. There is little to go on, especially for Alice, but suspicions were aroused when Tom launched an innovative line for Gourmet Grills: Burgers with a hint of Spearmint.

Hitchcock comes to Ambridge
In a scene reminiscent of Hitchcock's The Birds Hilary Noakes was last seen at the mercy of a Cockatoo. Friends and family were relieved to report that she died with a smile on her face as she did so enjoy having a cockatoo to herself.

Sabrina Thwaite passes out on the job
That brick of the community Sabrina Thwaite passed on as she would have wanted, on the job in the village shop. She actually collapsed while serving Brian Aldridge. "It was a shock when she fell to her knees in front of me," said Brian, "but it is how I will remember her."

There will be a collective two-minutes raucous noise to remember these silent characters every Sunday at 11.15am. May they Rest in Noise.

Sunday, 3 February 2013

Casting Call for "Carry on up the Mega Dairy"

While the Screenwriters are in Pre-Production Purdah, the Casting Directors are busy finding the right actors for the comedy film project of the year: Carry on up the Mega Dairy.

First twenty pencilled in to date are:

Rob "Titchynob" Titchener - Charles Hawtry
Brian Aldridge - James Robertson-Justice
Jennifer Aldridge - Fenella Fielding
Lynda Snell - Kenneth Williams
Lilian Bellamy - Barbara Windsor
Matt Crawford - Sidney James
Paul Crawford - Calamity James
Jazzer McCreery - Janette Tough [stick with it - Ed]
Tom Archer - Theo Paphitis
Ruth Archer - Jimmy Nail
David Archer - Jim Dale
Pip Archer - Violet Elizabeth Bott
Ed Grundy - Ed Miliband
William Grundy - David Miliband
Adam Macey - Henry Blofeld
Ian - Richard Corrigan
Neil Carter - Joe Corrigan
Susan Carter - Violet Carson
Vicky MotherTucker - Amy Turtle
Mike Tucker - Cyclops

More casting and pre-production gossip to follow but as ever please leave suggestions below or post directly to @TonysConsultant.