The 'phone hasn't stopped ringing these last few days with people in search of advice. In fact, since Debbie set the precedent of 'phoning in her performance from Hungary everyone is getting in on that act too. Even Jill succumbed. And David was moved to report Echo-gate to Ruth on the 'phone - although in truth, one can hardly blame David for keeping his distance from Randy Ruth when she is on heat.
The 'phone is at its most threatening, however, in the Tilly-Button-with-menaces calls to David and family. My advice to Tilly is that she should take a look on Twitter and be careful who she kidnaps. She needs to be sure anyone would care. Look what's happened to Shula. Alastair still won't pay the ransom and she remains holed up in Alan's coal shed.
Tony called me to seek advice on how to deal with his stress levels. I suggested he should pass some responsibilities on to Tom, but to make sure he held on to the biggest share. His hearing's not so good.
Alan has been keen to know how best to deal with Amy. My advice has been that he should "just treat her like you should". Our line wasn't too good either and he's now planning dates with her, treating her more like a wife than a daughter. Very unhealthy.
Lynda's campaign continues and no bush in the village is safe until she has ensured it has been suitably trimmed. If she follows the Cultural Olympiad ideal to the letter, she must remember that there must be a nodding reference to the next hosts. Perhaps she should volunteer herself for the Brazilian.
There's more fete news. Edna Fry (@mrsstephenfry - still finding out if she and her husband are related to Bert) has agreed to look after the creche and we have high hopes that her husband, Stephen Fry himself, will take on an official role. He has yet to reply but he is an even busier man than me. Perhaps we should have a virtual literary festival as part of the virtual fete.
We also need to decide upon a date for the virtual fete. It has been suggested that it should take place on the weekend of celebrations for the Diamond Jubilee. Thoughts on this would be very welcome.