Friday 4 May 2012

House Calls, The Creature from The Slurry Lagoon and Adam's Progress

Tony continues to improve although there is a hint of tourette syndrome creeping into his behaviour. For some reason (can't decide if it's fear in his eyes or just a spot of madness) he keeps shouting "SAVE! SAVE!" mid-conversation. He's still milking every opportunity if not every cow, and can be found sleeping at the most inopportune times.

I paid a visit to Usha Franks in the privacy of her office. She sought consultation on whether she should tell Alan about Carl. I reminded her that stress can cause physical problems, not least dietary, and asked her to consider what Auntie Satya might make of that. She seems under some pressure from Ruth but again I asked Usha to consider pots and black kettles. Just mention Sam and see how Saint Ruth feels about things then.

Lynda asked to see me as she fears no one is taking her seriously. It appears she has put the cat among the pigeons, or a beast among the cattle, with her vision of The Creature from the Slurry Lagoon. It seems only she and Scruff have seen the beast so for now I have suggested Lynda takes a break and is careful what she eats (no more mushrooms and definitely throw out Leonie's left over joss sticks and interestingly different tobacco.)

In the evening I visited Adam to check on his progress. He regains strength in every way and is greatly heartened by the messages that continue to flood in. He was particularly touched by the replica Maypole (I think it is a maypole, although the lack of ribbons gives it a rather cold look. I checked the bottom, and it doesn't take batteries). This was a very thoughtful gift from The Brownies.

Here is a selection of other messages:

"Dahling - do hurry home. There are cocktails aplenty awaiting your attention." [Lilian]

"Many's the fella laid low, but don't fear,
It won't be too long 'ere you're not feeling queer." [Bert Fry]

"I wish you could be better so you could see how happy I am.". [Amy]

"......................................................................." [Freda]

"Oh Gosh!" [Alice]

"I truly am sorry I haven't been able to make it to see you but I had some really important washing-up to do." [Debbie]

"Come on Adam. Spill the beans. We can get publicity out of this. It'll go viral, although I don't suppose you know what that means because I'm the only person in the whole of Borsetshire who knows ANYTHING about marketing.". [Brenda]

"I'm actually quite knackered now, so I would appreciate it if you would please get better and allow Jennifer to go back to her old tricks.". [Christopher]

Watch out tomorrow for news of what actually happens in Ambridge on a Saturday - all those things that the residents do out of the glare of the documentary makers.

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